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Once apon a time, humanity was pretty arrogant (still is, if you ask us). So all the people of the world decided it would be a good idea to build a tower to Heaven in a little place called Babel. Why this was a good idea, we aren't sure.
God, being annoyed that humanity wanted to harass him while he was watching "Gilmore Girls" (hey, it's God -- he can do anything, even watch television shows that haven't been filmed yet), threw down the tower. Then, to prevent further interruptions, God decided that everyone would speak different languages so that humanity couldn't come together and build another big-ass tower until he could find out what happened to Rory and Lorelai.
*dodges lighting strike*
Or maybe different languages evolved because of a scattered population and geographical barriers. We still like our version better.
Anyway, with language, grammar evolved.
Grammar is important, pretties. Why? Because, if you use it incorrectly, a) people probably won't understand what you are trying to say, b) they will laugh and point at you, c) you won't be taken seriously and d) we will rip you a new asshole.
Obviously, a and d are the most important.
Bad grammar can change the meaning of a sentence or confuse your reader. Concise grammar lets your readers lose themselves in the story, and that's the best sort of writing.
Most of you badficcers out there are probably whining, "but, NOADS (or you fuckers, whichever), it's haaaard!"
Ding, ding! Wrong!
It isn't hard. You've been (presumably) speaking English all your lives. (If you are a non-English speaker, ignore this entire rant, unless you have shitty grammar in your native language. In that case, replace "English" with the name of your own language.)
Your real problem?
You are a bunch of lazy sons of a bitches who can't even move your motherfucking pinkies over to hit the shift key and capitalize the first word of a sentance or drop your ring fingers down to the period key for a full stop.
It's no wonder you can't be assed to include commas where they go or understand the difference between a sentance fragment and a dependant clause.
Can you sons of bitches read?
Good!
Open a book, any book. Read it. Note how the sentances are constructed. Look at the dialogue and how it is formatted. Notice that each character's actions or speech gets a new paragraph.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WHO SAID YOU COULD APPROACH THE KEYBOARD AGAIN?!
*pants*
Look, you made us abuse punctuation.
Don't even come near the keyboard. Pick up another book. This time, let's try something a little harder than "Dick and Jane," shall we?
Read it and look at the grammar. See how commas are used to indicate where you should pause and admire how the clauses modify their subjects.
No, do not tell us you don't know what a noun is. Okay, we'll let you in on the big secret, since you're old enough to use the computer, we can only assume you've completed the second grade and realize that a noun is usually the subject of the sentance YOU MEATHEADS!
Bad grammar gives us headaches and makes us cranky. When we're cranky, we consume unhealthy amounts of badfic, usually grinding out scathing reviews and making 14-year-old fanbrats cry.
You don't want the fanbrats to cry, do you?
Save the fanbrats, save the world. Use good grammar.
God, being annoyed that humanity wanted to harass him while he was watching "Gilmore Girls" (hey, it's God -- he can do anything, even watch television shows that haven't been filmed yet), threw down the tower. Then, to prevent further interruptions, God decided that everyone would speak different languages so that humanity couldn't come together and build another big-ass tower until he could find out what happened to Rory and Lorelai.
*dodges lighting strike*
Or maybe different languages evolved because of a scattered population and geographical barriers. We still like our version better.
Anyway, with language, grammar evolved.
Grammar is important, pretties. Why? Because, if you use it incorrectly, a) people probably won't understand what you are trying to say, b) they will laugh and point at you, c) you won't be taken seriously and d) we will rip you a new asshole.
Obviously, a and d are the most important.
Bad grammar can change the meaning of a sentence or confuse your reader. Concise grammar lets your readers lose themselves in the story, and that's the best sort of writing.
Most of you badficcers out there are probably whining, "but, NOADS (or you fuckers, whichever), it's haaaard!"
Ding, ding! Wrong!
It isn't hard. You've been (presumably) speaking English all your lives. (If you are a non-English speaker, ignore this entire rant, unless you have shitty grammar in your native language. In that case, replace "English" with the name of your own language.)
Your real problem?
You are a bunch of lazy sons of a bitches who can't even move your motherfucking pinkies over to hit the shift key and capitalize the first word of a sentance or drop your ring fingers down to the period key for a full stop.
It's no wonder you can't be assed to include commas where they go or understand the difference between a sentance fragment and a dependant clause.
Can you sons of bitches read?
Good!
Open a book, any book. Read it. Note how the sentances are constructed. Look at the dialogue and how it is formatted. Notice that each character's actions or speech gets a new paragraph.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WHO SAID YOU COULD APPROACH THE KEYBOARD AGAIN?!
*pants*
Look, you made us abuse punctuation.
Don't even come near the keyboard. Pick up another book. This time, let's try something a little harder than "Dick and Jane," shall we?
Read it and look at the grammar. See how commas are used to indicate where you should pause and admire how the clauses modify their subjects.
No, do not tell us you don't know what a noun is. Okay, we'll let you in on the big secret, since you're old enough to use the computer, we can only assume you've completed the second grade and realize that a noun is usually the subject of the sentance YOU MEATHEADS!
Bad grammar gives us headaches and makes us cranky. When we're cranky, we consume unhealthy amounts of badfic, usually grinding out scathing reviews and making 14-year-old fanbrats cry.
You don't want the fanbrats to cry, do you?
Save the fanbrats, save the world. Use good grammar.
I think so many bad fic writers are just lazy asses who figure "Well, people read my emails and message board posts without complaining, so my story that has trashy grammar should be fine, too!"
NO. It's not fine. You need to get it right.
And this is coming from someone who HATES grammar. I hated learning it in school (I was a spelling girl). I've been out of school so long I've forgotten most of it. The words "independent clause" make me go "huh?" and feel a little like a seizure is coming along.
But I still made an effort to get it right. I got a beta reader who knew about the things I didn't and whipped me when I got them wrong. I bought grammar books (I know!), I read writing books for tips, I read fiction to see how it read (and was surprised there seems to be some latitude in fiction now, too).
There's a reason why people are reading and reviewing my stories so much on ff.net - it's because I take the time to get things RIGHT.
It's so hard to even read a fic with bad grammar a lot of the time and I get really cranky about the ones that don't even try.
Also when I did get grammar, I became obsessive about it. Good grammar=smiley faces...
Another Illusion
Another Illusion