Neglected Outsiders Anti-Defamation Society

You know, it would be so easy to be a troll. People make it so easy by having meltdowns over criticism offered over the Internet. It makes us giggle.  

Recently, we reviewed a only mildly mediocore fic. The reason we wanted to collectively tear our hair out was this person advertised in several of her story summaries she was a teacher.

An English teacher.

The grammar was atrocious, so, naturally, we ripped her a new one. That's what we do. 

Immediately, a sock puppet sprang to her defensive, followed by an author's note, a private message and a mention on her author's page. Really, she ought to link to us on the author's page rant. It's only the considerate thing to do, because we could use the page hits. Do you think if we sent her this link, she'll include it?

Anyway, we haven't sharpened our spork on a fanbrat in ... well, ever. Time to start.

For the rest of this post, we'll be in bold, and "Two-Bitty" will be in regular type. 

First, the sock puppet, which is, we admit, rather cleverly named "eastsidesunset." 
first, i love the story! 
There's no accounting for bad taste
so please continue:] 
Please don't. Really. Don't you know that God sticks a cattle prod up Matt Dillon's ass when people write bad "Outsiders" fanfiction? If you won't stop for our sakes, please think of the poor actor.
secondly to NOADS are you on to read and write fanfics or to critique other peoples. 
To critique, thanks for asking. Didn't you notice we haven't posted any stories? And to critique, you must read. It's part and parcel. Oh, and by the way? That shift key on your keyboard? It's there for a reason.
Weather Whether she is a teacher or not it's still pretty pathetic that you even have the time to wast waste by going through and correcting just about every mistake she made.
We are fairly sure she is not a teacher, just a bad liar. If we had actually pointed out every mistake she'd made, our review would have been about twenty times longer than it was. We won't beta your badfic. Find some other fool for that.
If the grammar annoys you that bad, THEN DON'T READ IT!
We would love to stop, because it actually physically pains us to look at the mess you put up on the screen and call a story. However, it's like a car accident -- we just can't stop looking. 

And the author's note ... 

And about those comments telling me about my grammar and punctuation errors... I have a reason.
You weren't paying attention in English class? You have a head injury? Aliens have a probe up your ass that prevents you from using correct grammar?
Well, I don’t really know the English language as well as I should. 
YOU DON'T SAY?!  /shock
I’m not American. I was born in Norway so the English language confuses me.
Fair enough - your use of the English language confuses us. Hey, say something in Norwegian! And not a bad BabelFish translation, either.
I have, indeed, been in America since I was ten so I’ve been here for eleven years.
We can do the math. You claim to be 21, if you moved here at age ten ... *counts on fingers* ... shit, we ran out of fingers.
If ya’ll don’t take that as an excuse, don’t blame me. 
Why would we not blame you? You're the one who provided the excuse. We'd like to have an explaination though. Excuses are usually that -- excuses.
And thanks for the hints, guys, I know my writing down right sucks, but who’s really cares?
Apparently not you. If you admit your writing sucks, we have a suggestion -- not a hint, a suggestion. TAKE IT DOWN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND S.E. HINTON!

And the private message ...

Listen to me.
How? This is the Internet.
Quit hounding me. 
Why? We are highly entertained by this.
Some people actually read this to be entertained, you read it to hound me constantly.
Actually, we would rather not read this. It's difficult, because your grammar is awful.
I'm sick and tired of your barking. 
And this concerns us why?
Try reading just for the pleasure of reading. 
We read novels and good fiction all the time for pleasure. We just don't get any pleasure out of reading your fic -- again, the poor grammar, but also because it isn't really all that stellar. Not the dregs we're ordinarily used to, but nothing to write home about, either.
Okay? 
We must reserve our rights to agree to disagree with you.
And I really don't have to explain my self to you, so I'm not.
Translation: "I've been caught in a big, fat lie, and I don't have an explaination for it! I thought you could falsely represent yourself on the Internet with no repercussions! Who knew?!"
Keep off my case and leave my personal life personal.
So says the person who identified herself as a teacher in her author's note and is in the process of writing a story about moving into the greasers' neighborhood. She also has claimed she is a native of Norway, is confused by English and that is the reason her grammar is poor. Again, she claims to be an English teacher.

And the rant on her bio page, in which she really should link to us ...

Lately, while typing my "Time Is Running Out" fanfic, I've been geting hateful comments by this... NOADS person, and it's really upsetting. 
*settled down with a bucket of popcorn* Yes, go on ...
I purely type for fun, and I'm not working real hard on my grammer and spelling. 
We know you aren't working at all with your grammar, and as for your "grammer," we couldn't say. We hope she's okay. We're cruel, not evil.
So who gives a damn?
*raises hands*
I type for pleasure and entertainment, not to be judged by some kid who is upset about the out-of-characters. 
We did note that the character of Two-Bit is OOC, but that wasn't really our concern. Our concern was that you can't write a grammatically correct sentance to save your life, yet advertise yourself as a teacher. What if some poor smuck believes your lies and asks for help? You'll corrupt someone else with bad grammar. That's an evil that must be stopped.
Out-of-characters... that's why we WARN you idiots about it.
Actually, there wasn't a warning that it was OOC -- you only said that he was not yet called Two-Bit and it was AU. You did note that Mrs. Mathews is abusive in your fic, which also is wildly out of character, seeing as she is one of less than half a dozen adults cast in a positive light in the book, but whatever. Who cares about the canon "Outsiders" characters? We certainly aren't writing fanfiction because we enjoy the world Susie created and the characters she populated it with!
So, NOADS, keep off my case and read only if you're interested in the fucking story. 
Ooooh! You dropped the "f-bomb" -- we are taking you seriously now, because big, taboo words like "fuck" are impressive and grown up.
Two-Bit is my mine and a lot of other members' favorite character and maybe we'd like to see another side of them him. 
We love this aspect of fanfiction. Too bad your fic isn't about Two-Bit, but about your semi-OFC "Kendra," and how pathetic and abused a woobie she is ... oh, and this guy, Keith, who looks like Two-Bit, but acts nothing like him.
Maybe we like the out-of-character we put them in. 
We don't. Neither does anyone who gives a damn about canon.
Maybe we don't give a damn about grammer and puncuation. 
Poor grammer ... maybe we should report you for elder abuse. We thought that teachers cared about grammar, though. Guess not.
Try lightening up, man.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! We need to lighten up? That's the pot calling the kettle black.
It's just for fun, nothing serious involved in my writing. 
*snore* Oh, wait, are you trying to make a point? You lost us.
I write for the pure joy of writing, not to be judged like this. 
This is one of the more sophisicated versions of "Don't like, don't read!" that we've seen. You do get points for that. However, we do have a stock response to this stock defense -- "Don't appreciate harsh criticism? Don't post in a public forum."
Be hard on me all you want, but I'll keep writing till I get sent to court. 
Why would you be sent to court? Is Susie going to sue you for copyright infringement? *crosses fingers and hopes*
Leave me the fuck alone.
When you stop screetching and flinging poo when we poke you with a stick, we will. Or when you take your shitty fics down. Another alternative is admitting you're a liar. Any of these works for us. *shrugs*

You can find the profile for Two-Bitty here : http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1314574/. Nothing really scintillating, unless you enjoy those little "cut and copy this to your profile" do-dads.

The story, which was called "Unexpected," but now is called "Time is Running Out," can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3825936/1/Time_Is_Running_Out. The latest chapter is called, ironically enough, "Truth." Excuse us for a moment while we laugh our collective asses off.

Now we are going to sit back, rub our hands and wait for her to Google herself and find this entry, because you know that she's going to.