Neglected Outsiders Anti-Defamation Society

Jeezus, will you people quit fucking writing slash? Because you can't write slash -- you just can't. And not because we said so (oh, how we would love to have that power), but because you SUCK.

Why is "Outsiders" slash written? Is it an intelligent exploration of being gay in the sixties? Is it to see how the characters would react to discovering that they are gay or one of their friends are gay? Is it to put a gay character into the white, straight-male world of "The Outsiders"?

No, you motherfuckers, you couldn't be so inspired or thoughtful. There is one reason "Outsiders" slash is written -- so lame-os who can't find real gay porn can stick a hand down the front of their pants and masturbate at the idea of two hot guys getting it on. 

Let's not think about the fact that this is a book written by a child for children. There's boysex!

Not only is this shit written just for teh ghey pr0n, but the characters are so out of character, it's goddamn sad. None of the "Outsiders" characters -- living in the sexually-repressive early 60s and in the goddamn buckle of the Bible Belt -- even question their friends being gay.

Let us remind you, pretties, that being gay in 1966 Tulsa probably wasn't fun. There were laws against being gay, and it was actually considered a serious mental illness by many people. It wasn't edgey or cool, and your friends didn't ask you for advice on clothes and interior decorating. A person who was homosexual was considered perverse and deviant. 

Would it have been possible for one of the gang to have been gay and out to a select few of his friends -- probably. Unfortunately, we have yet to read an in-character fanfic about one of the gang being gay.

Speaking of, will you people quit using sterotypes about gays to write your fucking fics? And we mean fics in which there is acutal fucking, although we like to use invectives toward them as well. Being gay does not mean you always have to have a top and a bottom. Some gay people, like straight people, enjoy such things, but not all of them, for pete's sweet sake. 

Also, please use lube in your slash fics. For those of you who aren't in the know, your asshole is not self-lubricating like a vagina. Yes, kiddies, that means sex would hurt, both for the person being penatrated and for the person penatrating them -- because without some sort of lubrication to reduce the friction, it hurts. Blood, soft cheeses and water are not lubes. Semen can be used. There are commercial lubricating products, although water-based is preferable to oil-based. 

Fuck up the fucking, and the other slash writers will laugh at you in between furious bouts of masturbating.

Also, stop making the whole damn gang gay. That would not happen. No group of teenage boys spontaeously turns gay. Maybe one or two at the maximum would we believe are gay. Any more than that, and you are bitch-slapping suspension of disbelief, pushing it down the stairs and stealing its wallet. 

One last thing -- if you want to write gay porn, write gay porn. Don't paste the "Outsiders" characters' names on your leads and pretend that it's a fanfic worth reading for anything other than a sad and lonely bout of self love. 

Fanbrats Gone Wild Case File 1.a: The Ongoing Story of Two-Bitty.

Yes, we know, Two-Bitty hates us and has a lot of sock puppets/minions/asskissers. They don't like us. We would express concern, but really, this is too funny. 

Us in bold, Fanficqueen9324 (can be found here, http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1290759/) in normal font.

No Offense, 

Dear one, whenever someone starts a statement with "no offense," they almost always mean to be offensive. It's the same thing as saying "honestly," before you lie. We are offended, though, by your random capitalization.

but i was reading the reviews to Time Is Running Out, and i noticed that you like to leave mean remarks.

We perfer to think of them as "tough love," but go on ...

I also have noticed that you have not written your own stories.

This one is inquistive, isn't she? She managed to click on the link to our profile. It does make her a little smarter than your average fanbrat.

I'm sorry if i am sounding rude,

No, you aren't. If you were, you'd shut up and go away. Silence is golden, children are better seen than heard and all that rubbish. However, you are one of that delightful generation who has embraced self-entitlement as a way of life, and aren't we glad? Because if you weren't, we'd never get such interesting things in our mailbox, and you have to admit this is much more interesting than an ad for Viagara.

but i don't think it is right for you to criticize people brave enough to put there stories up there for practically
the whole world to see, 

What an attentive fanbrat. Yes, posting it on the Internet does make it available to the whole world to see, including those such as ourselves. There may be hope for this one, yet.

and then be pushed to the ground by people who don't even write, and think they are better, 

Better? At what? Grammar? Plot? Characterization? Yes, we are better at this than many of the authors at the Pit of Voles. Again, we are forced to point out that one does not have to create art to recognize it.

or just want to be jerks and give rude remarks, cause they are mad, or **, or do not like the change in plot, or characters.

We don't want to be jerks, per se -- we just don't care if we come off as jerks. The opinion of a 15-year-old schoolgirl in Minnesota may be devastating to some, but not to us. Also, we don't like it when the canon is changed and the characters are OOC. This is true.

No one likes a flamer, which is what you are.

Flamer, flamer, pants on fire! Really, though, if you think we are flamers, you have a rude awakening ahead of you.

Once again, i am sorry to be rude,

And we are sorry you keep repeating yourself. It brings to mind the phrase, "the lady doth protest too much."

 but i just thought i should let you know. 

Know what? We could have lived the rest of our lives in perfect happiness without reading this. Why are you acting as if you are acting in our best interests? And why do you refuse to capitalize "I"?

People respond much better when you aren't rude, 

We'll be sure to keep that in mind, should we ever start caring how anyone responds to our reviews.

hell, half the time they don't even care what you say when you say it like that.  You'd be much better off being rational.

We are perfectly rational. We don't threaten to skin the author's cat and throw it to a group of hungry alligators while he or she watches, for instance. We suspect what you are trying to say here is that we should be nicer; not going to happen.

Also, why don't you write a long story, and tell us how you feel after the first ten thousand words.  

Probably accomplished, we imagine -- as long as it was good.

Would you not begin to feel lazy?  

We're confused. Are you saying it is preferable not to finish things if you become fatigued in the middle? We're fairly certain that, should we invest the time and energy to write a piece of that length, we would not get to the middle and decide, "oh fuck all the work we've already put into this, let's just throw anything down. No one will notice."

Stupid mistakes.

From who? From Two-Bitty? Yes, we agree. 

. . .WHATEVER!  No one cares about those little mistakes, 

We do. Just because you don't, that doesn't mean everyone doesn't. Repeat slowly after us: Not everyone shares my viewpoint. Not everyone will. I must learn to deal with that.

we just want to read them. . . GOD!  

Where?! Oh shit, is he still pissed over that "Tower of Babel/Gilmore Girls" thing?

You need to get a LIFE 

Have one; thanks for sharing your concern. 

and write your OWN story 

But what if we want to critique yours instead?

then tell me how you feel once you've written a TWENTY THOUSAND word story.  

Again, as long as the quality was up to snuff, we'd be a third of the way to writing a novel. We'd probably be quite pleased with ourselves and, God willing, able to take criticism in order to make it good enough to present to others.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to vent about this, 

Vent about what? Your inability to capitalize correctly? We've already done that, but thanks. 
...
OH! You mean, if we want to get into a flame war, pm you? No thanks, we get our kicks above the waistline, Sunshine. 

i honestly wouldn't care either way.

Oh, fanficqueen, somehow we doubt that. We doubt it most sincerely.

Like i said, you are a horrible person to be doing this so. . . 

From being so apologetic to calling us a horrible person(s)? Really, that girl needs her medication adjusted. 

“Have the grace and courage to admit it and consider this a lesson learned.”-Noads

Ouch. Hoisted on our own petard. Somehow, it's not as grave an injury as we are sure that she hoped it would be. Oh well, she went out rather strong for a fanbrat. Kudos. 

Fanbrats Gone Wild Case File No. 2: ivy45663

One ivy45663 (found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/889348/) has written a little gem called "Brotherly Love," (found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3871189/1/) in which Ponyboy and Darry have a passion for each other. 

Yes, Curtiscest. 

Naturally, given our hatred for breaking the laws of nature, which is only second to breaking the laws of grammar, we reviewed. Her fans were not happy. All two of them. We'll still be in bold, thanks.

First, pmcurtis (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1360747/pmcurtis) made a parry: 

I've created a mutany! 

That's nice, dear. As long as you don't go creating any mutinies. I'm sure the captain of whatever ship you are on will be quite displeased.

Keep going.

Please don't. 

As with all your stories, you always develp the characters very well and I'm certain this story will be no different. 

We're sure it will be different, as the characters are all OOC, and it's only the first chapter.

Personally, I enjoyed chapter 1.

You enjoyed a story ... about incest? Remind us never to invite you over to dinner.

If people don't like this type of story, they have no business reading it...or reviewing it. 

So, if people don't enjoy publically posted story which presents one of the most stringent taboos among the human race in a positive light, we shouldn't say anything, because it would distrupt your perverted enjoyment? What planet are you from?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't we supposed to be reviewing your writing style, and not if a story contains slash or not? 

You're corrected; you can thank us anytime. All aspects of a story are up for critique, not just the ones you want help with, and trust us, ivy needs help. Mental help.

The writing is supurb. 

The grammar doesn't make us want to scratch our eyes out, we give it that. However, the plotting and characterization are less than "supurb."

Darry is a complex character...as is his relationship with Ponyboy.

Both true. *waits for other shoe to drop*

Who's to say that's not caused by feelings he may have for his little brother?

S.E. Hinton.

It very well can be the cause of the tension they always had between them in the book. 

Maybe, just maybe it's the fact that Darry went from his older brother to his guardian or that their personalities clash. Oh, wait, it can't be such a mundane reason! They secretly long for each other! That's it!

An incredible author is brought to mind, who readers have not "flamed", despite her use of incest. 

We love that it's "despite her use of incest," as if it's nothing at all. Just incest. It's not emotionally scarring or anything. Oh wait, here it comes ...

VC Andrews 

V.C. Andrews? Who are you kidding? Most of those books were ghost-written, and we are sure she received hate mail. Just because there was no Internet, that doesn't mean there wasn't hate mail. 

used it in most of her stories and she has a large fan base. 

V.C. Andrews: Makes Incest Okay!

As I stated before, I enjoyed chapter 1. Thoroughly.

And you disturb us. Thoroughly.

And then rivergirl (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1344635/rivergirl), who has been mocked at the 731 North St. Louis Street community for her spanking fetish fic, "Welcome to My Life," (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3816251/1/Welcome_To_My_Life). In the interest of full disclosure, we will note that pmcurtis is her beta. Interesting how all these folk with common interests come together, hmm?

Just want to congratulate you for taking such a risk.

"Congratulations for making incest sexy! Oh, wait, you didn't. You just grossed a bunch of people out. My bad."

It shows what a determined writer you are. 

Or what a pervert you are. 

While it's easy to write stories that reviewers will rave about, it takes someone with actual talent to write a story that not everyone will agree with. 

What she means, but didn't say clearly, is that it takes a talented writer to write about controversial subjects. Indeed it does, but ivy is not that writer. She a pervert, writing about boys twenty years younger than her getting it on. We could dismiss her as another bad slash author, but she had to pair siblings. *sigh*

I think at one point in time books were actually burned because people couldn't open their minds to something they didn't agree with. 

We will point out that we have no intention, at this time, of burning the Internet. We also will point out that disallowing "Animal Farm" and "A Catcher in the Rye" in schools or the massive book burnings of the Middle Age are poor comparisons to one badfic author receiving a scathing review. Nothing perished, except our sanity.

It's amazing to think that instead of reviewing your writing ability people are reviewing the plot of your story. 

OH GOD, NO! LET'S NOT LOOK AT THE PLOT! NO, NOT THAT!
...
...
Really, don't you realize how silly that sounds? We mean, that is really, really silly. There are no words.

If they have constructive criticism about you writing ability, that's one thing. 

We do. We gave it. You didn't like it.

But if they don't like (or don't agree with) the plot, they don't have to read the story.

Except for the fact she put it on a public site where 13-year-old kids can find it. Go to the greyarchives, why don't you?

Keep going with this.

Why are you encouraging her?

I'm enjoying it and like to find out what happens. 

Do you realize you just wrote that you enjoyed reading about incest? Do your parents know what you are doing on the computer? As to what happens, we'll tell you: boysex.

Your writing flows 

... down the toliet and into the sewers, where it belongs.

and keeps the readers interested. A+

"YAY! A+ for incest, OOC, flat reactions and no character development! Next chapter, boysex! YAY!" 

And finally, we had word from ivy herself:

If you don't like my story don't read it. 

*sigh* They really don't get any smarter or more mature as they get older, do they? If you don't want criticism, don't post it. We would love for you to take your opus down and keep for only those who enjoy imagining a man violating his younger brother in every way possible. Please. Think of the children.

To each his own.

You have got to be fucking kidding us! "To each his own"? Is that your excuse for promoting incest?! Do you have children, you nutball? If so, we hope the local Children's Services agency is onto you, you goddamn pervert.