Neglected Outsiders Anti-Defamation Society

Once apon a time, there was a suethor named Allzstar. Allzstar received many reviews and thought her fic good. In fact, she received so many simpering reviews she believed herself to be qualified to critique others' fics. 

Silly girl. That is what we at NOADS are here for; intrude not on our playground. 

We reviewed ... and waited ... and waited some more. Was Allzstar smart enough to ignore us and deny us the pleasure of taking a hot, fresh spork to her mewlings? We craved new fanbrat meat -- Two-Bitty was played out, and fanficqueen had not lived up to her early potential. 

We were jittering like junkies in need of another hit. Then we had to face it -- we are junkies, and we needed our fix of fanbrattiness.

Fret not, pretties, for would we have opened a case file without goodies? Allzstar has most graciously provided us with rantings and ravings aplenty. 

And we thought Thanksgiving had past.

As per the course, we'll be in bold, thank you kindly, pretties.

Well the thing is: I wouldn't be so ** off at you if you'd been nice instead of starting with "This is a real mess". 

And we should care that you're upset, because ... ?

Not only did it make me upset and angry, it hurts to have people just suddenly come out of nowhere and trash my
story without being nice and polite. 

So if we'd been polite about trashing your story, you would have been more receptive?

With constructive critism, 

What is this "critism" thing you speak of? Is it related to "criticism"?

you start with a compliment, then the critique, then another compliment. 

We are blown away. You can't spell "criticism," but you can spell "critique"?! What the hell?! 

That way the person you are critiquing will feel good and complimented 

Again, we care about this because why? We don't give a shit about stroking your ego, we care about you looking at your fic in a new way -- one in which all your fondest fantasies aren't draped over cartoon sketches of the Outsiders characters. In short, we want you to see what we see. If we include a bunch of rainbows-and-sunshine bullshit, that is the only thing that you will see. 

And that, pretties, defeats the point of the exercise.

but also will gratefully accept the advice. 

A fanbrat gratefully accepting advice? Where are our ice skates?

With YOU, you were extremely rude and mean 

So what?

and I don't feel like taking any of your suggestions/advice to tell the truth. 

To tell the truth, we aren't surprised. You wouldn't have taken them had they been sugarcoated, either. You don't want to consider the fact that your writing might be less than stellar. 

And that is why you will never be any more than a so-so writer.

Mars on Fire and A Sideways Smile were nice about it, 

Bully for them.

offered some good advice without being hurtful and mean 

We prefer to say "brutually honest." It has a ring to it, don't you think?

and I'm starting to take their advice and nod my head to some things they pointed out because of it. 

Does "nod my head" translate into "take a serious look at the numerous cliches riddling my writing"?

Anyway, in my defense,

As if you have one.

I would like to say that my main female character's name is SABRINA. 

In all caps like that, too?

It is common

Not really, but you've already proven that research isn't your strong point.

and not too flashy or boyish.

A matter of opinion, pretty.

Her nickname is Saber, and the nickname for her nickname is Sabertooth.

She has a nickname ... of her nickname? How many times can we boggle in one post?

And yes, she is 4 foot 7 inches 

Do you realized that you've created the first dwarf!Sue we've ever seen? You do get points for that.

and would not be able to reach a 6 foot tall guy's head, 

No, really?

but did I SAY that she punched him in the head? NO. She could have slugged him in the stomach, winded him, then punched him down. 

She would be impeded by her arm length, which given her size, would be much less than that of a six-foot-tall man. She wouldn't be able to get close enough to punch him in the stomach, you dolt.

It all strategy.

Indeed.

Some people like to have something to visualize when they are reading. 

We never visualize what we're reading. Much less messier that way.

I for one, hate it when authors do not describe their characters. 

Such a young fanbrat to be so earnestly pontificating. That's our job, pretty.

Look at the Outsiders; Ponyboy descibes himself and all his friends in great detail in the
very first chapter. 

He spends one to two sentences on their physical appearances, with the greatest attention spent on their personalities and histories. You spend a whole paragraph on your Sue's appearance. 

S.E. Hinton, you are not.

Different authors have different ways of writing; 

Your skillful handling of the obvious -- is that part of your style of writing?

it's completely up to them and nothing you can stop. 

Sadly, it isn't. We know; we've tried.

Deal with it.

We did, with our review. Did you appreciate our method of dealing with it?

Yeah, Saber has a medical condition.

Really, if you are going to insist on calling her Saber, we are going to insist on not taking you seriously.

Lots of people have medical conditions. Big deal; I don't see the problem with it.

If it were only a detail, instead of a plot point, it truly wouldn't be a big deal. Of course you don't see the problem with it. Your inability to objectively look at your work is what inhibits your ability to grow as a writer, you poor, stunted fanbrat.

POV tags are something I have all the right to put on my stories. 

And we have all the right to point at you, laugh and mock.

It's my story, my choice, my characters. 

Susie's characters.

How else are you supposed to know who's narrating?

Good writing?

It would be confusing and no one would understand and then I'd get reviews like "Whose POV is this in?" BLAH BLAH BLAH. No thanks.

Because we all know how much you hate to hear anything less than praise.

I spelt Curly the right way, FYI and thank you very much.

FYI: You spelled it "Curley" at least once. And, why, yes, you may thank us for our insights.

ANYONE can trip over a branch will jumping out of a tree; it has nothing to do with their athletic ability.

Yet, your Sue didn't. We wonder.

I must say that you made quite the fool out of yourself here. 

Did we, O Wise One?

You were rude

Possible.

and childish 

Always.

and immediately made me ** off,

What of it?

and therefore I could care less what you have to say. 

Which is why you sent us the block paragraph of doom? To show us how much you really, really, really didn't care?

Reading the first chapter and then going into a whole rant pointing out things that are fine and have nothing wrong with them 

"Things that are fine and have nothing wrong with them" -- this is why you suck. You can't wrap your little simpering mind around the fact that you are not the best thing since sliced bread.

does not make you sound superior. 

It just makes us sound right.

I hope you let off some steam with this review so you can leave me alone, 

Are you kidding? After this? You're our new dealer, baby!

because frankly, I care more about the dirt under my feet than what you have to say. 

Did you send the dirt a private message, too?

In the future, you might want to read the whole story before ** to the author about it. 

Why would we waste our time slogging through all of that dreck? We only had to read the first chapter to see that it was utter piss. The first paragraph, actually.

You sound like some thirteen year old kid 

You, of course, are vastly mature and have left thirteen far behind you. 

Or you'd like to give us that impression, anyway.

who has no idea what he's/she's talking about

Hahahaha ... oh, you're serious? Oh, that makes it even more funny.

and is mad because they just got grounded or something. Grow up. 

Shut up ... something something something ... throw up, and you went around the corner and licked it up.

Nobody appreciates rude reviewers; 

All too true, sadly. We are unloved. Where's our woe cake?

you're going to have people hating on you 

People hating us over the internet -- excuse us while we go look for a rope and a convenient light fixture.

and making you feel like an ugly prick if you keep this up.

We already do. We feel just like an unlucky penis infected with the clap. 

Good luck.

With what? Dealing with your passive-aggressive behavior? We won't need luck, just a lot of cheap liquor.

AllzStar

Fanbrat.