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This fic was so atrocious, we needed a whole cast of guest sporkers. May we introduce the newly formed Greasers Against Badfic?
Ponyboy Curtis, president.
Um ... hi? And when did I volunteer to be president of anything?
Hush, Pony, wait until you see the fic. Then you'll be glad we volunteered you.
Steve Randle, vice-president. Feeling better now, Steve?
No thanks to you.
Two-Bit Mathews, secretary.
Hey, everybody! *waves*
I can't believe you made him secretary. What the hell were you thinking?
And here's Dallas Winston, treasurer.
Yeah, make Dally our treasurer -- he'll ransack the treasury!
Shut it, Mathews. Better'n having a thief like you.
That hurts, Dal.
Yeah, I can see you're dyin' over there.
This is Greaser Gurls by get-on-my-level14.
What the hell kinda name is that?
Steve, we have the feeling you're avoiding the fic.
Shut up.
We promise there isn't any slash in this one.
There'd better not be.
Still haven't recovered from "White Angel," Dallas?
Fuck you.
What's "White Angel"?
Can we get to this? I've got homework.
You've always got homework.
No, I just do mine.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Outsiders only the girl greasers
Thank God you don't own us, bitch.
I'm agreeing with Dal on this one.
I'd like to protest the concept of being "owned" by anybody.
This chick owns all the greasy chicks? Can I borrow a couple blondes?
Name: Kris Scarce
Age: 14
Hair: very dirty blond
Eyes: piercing green cat like eyez
Wait, this is a story?
This isn't a story ... I don't know what this is.
What the fuck is this?
It's a list.
I can see that, Randle.
*shrugs* You asked, Dal.
I ain't sporking this shit. This is stupid. *stalks off*
He'll be back.
I dunno ... when Dal gets mad, it's better to just let him go.
It's Sheol; he can't go far.
Girl version: Ponyboy
WHAT?!
Hahaha ... Ponyboy's a girl.
Well, Pone, I always thought you were a bit of a wimp, but ...
*glares*
Bio: Sweet, mother-like, smart, youngest, loved by all
Mother-like. That's rich. When'd you start mothering anybody?
I dunno. Maybe if he wore a dress ...
*sighs* I hate fanfiction.
Don't worry, Ponyboy, the next one is good.
Name: Cornelia "Knuckles" Scarce
Knuckles? What sort of nickname is Knuckles?
We think the suethor is trying to sound tough. Note she's related to the Ponyboy-clone.
She's not a clone of me!
Knuckles doesn't sound tough. It sounds stupid. Was this chick dropped on her head when she was born?
I'd like to drop her on her head now.
Age: 18
Hair: blond
Eyes: light blue
Girl version: Dally
*sighs* See, Dal's reaction to this woulda been priceless, and you let him go. He should have been made to spork.
Like you've had to spork all that much, Two-Bit. Shoot, I think you like it!
You've only done it once, too, Steve.
Yeah, but you should have seen the piece of shit they broke me in on.
We don't believe in being merciful.
No kidding.
Besides, what's the fun in sporking mediocre fics?
*rolls eyes*
Bio: Smokes, drinks, talks trash, baddest bitch of them all.
Because that's all there is to Dallas.
I dunno, that's pretty much Dal in a nutshell, except for the talking trash bit. Dally was never much for running his mouth, more for punching people.
Note it doesn't say she's a fighter.
It says she's the "baddest bitch of them all."
You oughta be glad Darry isn't here. That mouth, Ponyboy.
I'm only reading what it says!
Punched a soc in the noise
How do you punch a Soc in the noise? I'd like to try that.
Maybe their mouths? That's where all the noise is coming from.
I always thought they talked out of their asses, myself.
and caused him to have his noise tilt to the side.
We think that's probably referenced as breaking his nose, suethor.
Maybe she didn't break it. Maybe the whole thing did just tilt to the side. *tilts to the side*
Are you trying to be funny?
Maybe. Are you laughing?
No.
Then I wasn't.
*snip! because this is awful*
Girl version: Johnny
Poor Johnny.
*lights cigarette, takes drag* Well, it's just the next step. After all, they've girlified Johnny so much, the only thing left was to make him a girl.
There had better not be a female version of me.
Bio: Used to be funnest girl to hand out
What did you hand out, suethor?
with until she got rapped when she was 13.
Rapped by what? Knuckles?
She misspelled "rape."
*groans*
We agree, Steve. If you can't spell it, you shouldn't be allowed to write about it.
She went to this party and started flirting with this girl’s man. She found out and got her boyfriend drunk and he took Chuy to a room and rapped her. It was a soc.
When did Socs start inviting us to their parties?
Hey, I wouldn't mind going to a Soc party.
*stares*
Free food is free food.
You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?
actually the girl was her best friend.
*snorts* Some friend.
I think this girl's been watching too many soap operas.
They are called daytime dramas, now, Ponyboy.
Whatever they're called, she needs to lay off of them.
The girl thought she was flirting but actually she was asking a homework assignment.
Then why didn't her boyfriend tell her so?
Pony, give up on logic.
Yeah, Pony. Logic doesn't live here anymore.
*snip! for more stupidity*
Name: Kelly " Knives" Scarce
*rolls eyes*
Age: 19
Hair: light blonde
Eyes: light blue
Girl version: Two-Bit
*smirks at Two-Bit*
*grumbles*
At least she's blonde, Two-Bit.
Bio: Funniest girl that you can ever know.
What about all the girls you can't know?
They're funnier?
Loves to say what’s on her mind.
She is the female version of Two-Bit!
What I say has the distinction of being funny.
You like to think so, anyway.
Stevie, I can't help it if you don't have a sense of humor.
Don't call me Stevie.
Can cheer you up in second.
In second gear?
I bet she doesn't even know what second gear is.
Loves knives.
Who doesn't? *whips out knife*
*rolls eyes* Most everybody?
Owns a special knife that her uncle gave her before he got shot.
He couldn't very well give it to her after he was shot, could he?
Maybe he didn't die. *shrugs*
Always carries it around. That’s why her name is Knives.
How come none of you call me Knives?
Because you only carry one knife?
If I carried two, would you call me Knives?
No.
Why not?
Because we wouldn't.
Use to cut herself to see what kind of damage it can do.
It leaves cuts, and I didn't even have to cut myself to figure it out.
If you cut me, do I not bleed?
Wanna try it and see?
Let's not, and say we did.
Loves blonde boys. (oooo this could be interesting)
Not if it's like anything else you've written so far.
She's got an "e" on the end of blond.
So?
So, it's wrong.
Name: Rasco Scarce
What sort of name is Rasco?
A stupid one.
When you're right ...
Age: 17
Hair: light brown
Eyes: violet
I've never seen a girl with violet eyes.
Maybe she's got a disease?
Girl vision: Sodapop
Hey, look, Steve, it's your dream girl!
Shut up, Two-Bit.
Bio: Fairest one of all. Loved by all (and I mean love wink )
Is she a slut?
Probably.
Aren't they all?
Understanding, cheerful. Had a boyfriend but dumped her to be with someone else.
I thought everyone loved her?
Guess not.
Hart broken at first but came on top with her game. Seen with her sisters. Loves to give kisses.
See, I told you she was a slut.
If she's the feminine version of Soda, what does that make him?
A stud.
Isn't that ... we don't know ... sexist?
What the hell are you talking about?
Fraternal twins with L.
Who's L?
Why did you ask? The Suethor is going to tell us anyway.
Yeah, Pony, don't encourage her by showing even the smallest spark of curiousity
.Name: Elena "L" Scarce
Age: 17
Hair: light brown
Eyes: violet
Again with the violet eyes. Who has violet eyes?
*loud cursing*
Dal, you're back!
I ain't happy about it.
I didn't notice.
You missed your feminine self, Dal.
No, I didn't. That fucker was in "White Angel."
Girl version: Steve
Great. She's probably a cutter, too.
What the fuck is a cutter?
Do you really want to know?
No.
Bio: She’s in between Kris’s Sweetness and Knuckle’s toughness. Can be sweet at times but it could change quickly if being mess with.
That's repetitive. We wonder if she's got some sort of mood disorder.
Why?
The switches from "sweetness" to "toughness."
Nah, that just means she's a girl. They're always turning it on and off.
Shutting it down.
Being general pains in the ass.
So she's realistic?
No. She'll be one of those weird hybrid creatures which are tough enough to get themselves in trouble, but get all weepy and clingy when she wants one of us to save her.
I never knew you were such a student of fanfiction, Ponyboy.
If your character was assassinated as much as mine is, you would be, too, Two-Bit. But hardly anyone writes about you.
I know; I'm lucky.
Defends anyone and helps anyone.
If I were a fool, I'd be optimistic.
But is usually the lazy one.
*sighs* Listen, Suethor, I go to school full-time and have a part-time job. I am not Two-Bit.
*shrugs* How's that working for you, Stevie?
Just fine. At least I've got money to take my girl out. And don't call me Stevie.
Okay, Stevie.
There I hope you like the characters
We fucking hate them.
They aren't even accurate representations of what we would be like as girls.
You are one weird kid.
but believe me this is going to be good. Please review!!!
No.
I'm am so sorry that I can't spell so please let me now.
Spellcheck. Know it. Use it. Love it.
That would be great love you all.
Commas apparently aren't your forte, either.
Sorry they’re no one for Darry.
He's the luckiest son of a bitch I've ever come across.
Don't think he doesn't know it and rub it in, either.
I’ll make someone for him later.
Be still our hearts.
Can we go now? Homework, you know.
Of course ... we'll be back to sporking soon enough.
Not if I can help it.
Was it so terrible this time, Steve?
I was a girl.
Well, there is that. We will endeavor to find a fic in which you are both male and heterosexual. It may take some time.
*glares*
I wanna know why there aren't any exits in this fucking place.
*coy* We could give you a tour, Dallas.
Never fucking mind.
I
Did you see what they did to Shepard?
Yeah, but they like Shepard. I'm safe.
Yeah, well, enjoy the tour, I'm outta here.
Wait for me, Dal!
Well, hurry it up, kid.
I'm coming, too. I don't like the way they're leering at me.
C'mon, then.
*disappears*
*disappears*
*disappears*
Still interested in the tour, Two-Bit?
If you don't mind me casing the place.
wouldn't mind a tour.Nothing of much worth here ... unless you're interested in tortured souls ...
EDIT: We despise the way LJ plays havoc with our formatting. We'd move to JournalFen, if it wasn't so much work and we weren't so lazy. Hopefully, this is easier to take, now. The spork, not the badfic.