Neglected Outsiders Anti-Defamation Society

We are a group of Outsiders fans. Some of us have cherished Susie's work for many years, while others are newcomers to the fandom. We all have something in common: We are canon and grammar nazis, and we don't give a shit about your tender feelings, especially when you visit an abortion of a fic on a fandom which has far too many already.

We like to think of ourselves as a team of battlefield surgeons, going from one wounded, pitiful fic to another. Some of them still have a pulse and will make it to triage. There are others for whom we can only give a hit of morphine to ease their gory deaths, because they are dreadful abominations which should have never been put to paper, let alone seen the light of the internet.

Yes, we are fic killers, and it brings us no shame.

There are people who have no talent for writing. One could explain the Holy Trinity (character, plot, technique) of writing to them again and again, but it will never sink into their thick skulls. Not only do they enjoy mediocritcy, they wallow in it. We call these loathsome, slinking, stinking creatures fanbrats.

Like calls to like, and the fanbrats gang together like lemmings or schools of fish. They compliment each other's horrid piles of steaming shit and are terrified to speak the truth -- it stinks worse than a three-day-old corpse left in a sauna. The truth might expose them to the slings and arrows of truth themselves, and not only are they thin-skinned, they know, deep down, in their secret heart of hearts ... they just aren't any good.

An honest assessment of their writing is to a fanbrat as sunlight is to a vampire: They crumble before it.

The maladies "creative writing" suffers under the torturous attentions of fanbrats are many; no plotting, bad premise, out-of-character, poor pacing and two-dimensional characterization chief among them. Yet, point this out, and fanbrats shriek like banshees: It's their story, and they'll do what they want. Unfortunately, what they want to do is suck like a vacuum cleaner set on high.

If a fic can be saved or a writer has potential -- a good grasp of prose, perhaps, despite a terrible execution -- we give concrit. It is harsh and it is no bullshit, but it's there.

Many times, those we find plying their pathetic wares on ff.net are rank amateurs who absolutely lack talent. We tell them so, and we tell them why we disliked their story. Why should we not? They have opened themselves to the opinions of anyone with a modem and a mouse when they posted it publicly. We have no doubt they expected praise, but what of it?

Small children leave their stockings pinned to the mantle on Christmas in the expectation there will be toys and candy in the morning, but if mommy or daddy drank up the welfare check, Santa isn't going to make that stop. The world is a cruel place sometimes, and none of us are guaranteed an easy time of it.

What we are not is your friend, your mother or your father, your teacher or even your beta. We have no obligation to be nice to you or couch our criticisms or opinions of the dreadful word spew you call a story in polite terms.

Let us repeat ourselves: We have no obligation to be nice to you.

Even the stupidest of you can understand that, can't you? 

We accepted no onus or burden to be kind or even helpful in our criticism. If we don't like your story, we will say so, despite whatever arguments you might muster on why we should be nice to you, offer you helpful criticism and warm your bottle up to room temperature. No matter the mewlings, we are not going to change our minds and tearfully plead your forgiveness on bended knee whilst crying out "mea culpa."

Regardless of whether you suddenly decide all criticism must be polite or it must teach the recipient something (despite the fact the recipient will more than likely recoil in horror at the idea someone thought their keyboard-mashing attack on the English language was less than stellar), that is not so. You can not dictate the terms of how one might react to any story you submit to a public forum. The sole control you have is whether you choose to make your writing public or not.

If you can not resolve yourself to the fact someone in this great big ol' world of ours will be less than orgasmic on reading your turd of a story, then we suggest you not put yourself through the wringer by putting it on a public site where big meanie heads like us might click on it and tell you exactly why it's a piece of shit.

In the immortal words of Dallas Winston: We're never nice.