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... whether you are one of our many admirers, or you are an upset author, welcome.
We at NOADS are proud of our recond. Approximately half of those badfics we've reviewed have been removed from fanfiction.net.
We have been accused of being somewhat less than diplomatic in our reviews. This is true. We read one too many badfics and snapped.
We are tired of bad grammar, spelling, formatting and punctation. If an author is not inclined to make the effort to make their stories readable, then we are not inclined to make the effort to be civil.
We hate bad characterization. If the author is going to disrespect S.E. Hinton by twisting and warping her beloved characters for their own ends, then we are not going to extend the author any respect. Instead, we are going to bitch slap them with a no-holds-barred review.
It is our hope that we will get through some thick skulls and improve others' writing or at least convince them not to visit their abortions on an innocent, unsuspecting public.
The cry of the badficcer is "Don't like, don't read."
Ours is "Don't like criticism, don't post."
Please feel free to comment here and be as bitchy as you want. We won't laugh. Much.
We at NOADS are proud of our recond. Approximately half of those badfics we've reviewed have been removed from fanfiction.net.
We have been accused of being somewhat less than diplomatic in our reviews. This is true. We read one too many badfics and snapped.
We are tired of bad grammar, spelling, formatting and punctation. If an author is not inclined to make the effort to make their stories readable, then we are not inclined to make the effort to be civil.
We hate bad characterization. If the author is going to disrespect S.E. Hinton by twisting and warping her beloved characters for their own ends, then we are not going to extend the author any respect. Instead, we are going to bitch slap them with a no-holds-barred review.
It is our hope that we will get through some thick skulls and improve others' writing or at least convince them not to visit their abortions on an innocent, unsuspecting public.
The cry of the badficcer is "Don't like, don't read."
Ours is "Don't like criticism, don't post."
Please feel free to comment here and be as bitchy as you want. We won't laugh. Much.
Entertainment
(Can't come up with anything better?)
Would you like to know why?
(No. But we take it as your going to tell us anyway. Knock yourself out.)
Probably not. We have no doubt your feathers are all ruffled because of our honest assessment of your fic.
(Hahaha, yeah we're all a 'twitter')
Before you go trotting out that fanbrat favorite "Don't like, don't read," may we offer this axiom, "Don't like criticism? Don't post"?
(Ooooh REALLY creative. Thats like a fanbitch favorite.)
Well, let's get down to business.
(Yes, like you have anything better to do in your spare time. Because this is SO important.)
You abuse commas like whoa. Commas join two independant clauses, set off items in a series and set off proper nouns among other things.
(Wah wah wah, commas join two independant clauses blah blah blah. Yawn. This is as boring as whoa.)
Ellpsises are not a long series of period. An ellpsis is comprised of a space, three periods and another space.
(Oh aren't you clever?)
You format dialogue all wrong. A direct quote is followed by a comma, question mark or exclaimation point in dialogue. The first word in the quote tag is lowercased, unless it's a proper noun.
(You smarty pants, are you going to tell us the sky is blue next?)
The judge's "hammer" isn't a "mallet," it's a "gavel."
(Very good, you just told us three ways to say "hammer")
It's not "hear by," it's "hereby."
(I HEREBY describe this the most boring review ever.)
The paperwork certainly wouldn't be finished within seconds of the judge's sentence. It would take days, if not weeks.
(Creativity! ( look it up smartass))
"They're," "their" and "there" are not interchangeable. "They're" is a contraction of "they are," "there" is directional and "their" is possessive.
(You sound like a dictionary. Then you should be able to tell us the definition of creativity.)
The greasers all burst into tears in the courthouse? Please, that's bad characterization. At least you didn't have Dallas bawling.
(You idiots! All the greasers didn't burst into tears in the courtroom! They all weren't even there.)
Ponyboy and Johnny wouldn't have been sent out of the country. No Tusla family court judge has the power to send them out of the country, nor would they send them out of their jurisidiction.
(You should be sent out of the country. Perhaps somewhere nice and cold to match your heart?)
Once they become wards of the state, they are under the state's supervision and will be checked on and watched by the local branch of child services.
(That part is coming, if you actually waited to read the rest! And here we thought you were so intelligent.)
Anyone who has even the slightest understanding of the child welfare system is going to be yanked right out of the story by your clumsy mishandling of this issue, which, we might add, is a pretty serious one. You don't handle it well.
(You don't handle creativity well. For a future job, we wouldn't suggest anything involving the term.)
You see, the objective of a story is not to reguritate your fantasy Johnny and Ponyboy will come to visit you in Canada. It's to lure the reader into believing in the situation and believing in the characters.
(And yet, possible things are so boring. Which proves you are possibly real. Dammit.)
We see some of your reviewers are flailing around, claiming this is your story and you can do what you want. It's true you can write whatever you want, but if you don't make the effort to make it plausible and realistic, then your readers won't believe your story.
(We believe in it and so does everyone else. It does happen to be her story, and she can do what she wants. Yipee! Your finally getting it!)
And if no one believes it, then it just isn't any good (Oh, in that case your reviews aren't believable. But we'll give you credit on one thing, you're very entertaining and your little organization makes us laugh at your patheticness. * rewards fanbitches and puts jester hats on them.*)
Oh my...
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Clearly from their writing here, NOADS has superior writing skills.
NOADS (or ANY reviewer of your writing) having fiction posted doesn't make your writing any better. Just because someone is a reader only doesn't mean they don't have legitimate and valid criticisms of your work. You don't have to be a writer to be a good reviewer. Some of the best reviewers at ff.net aren't writers - they are good reviewers because they read a lot and know when they see shit.
If NOADS reviewed your story, I don't even have to go look at it. Judging from the fact you created a Livejournal just to comment here, I know what I'll find. Shitty plot, Mary Sue, a wealth of cliches and maybe a lack of research.
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And just so you know, I am way more intelligent than to submit an anonymous review to the NOADS. If their work is excellent, then that's what it is and I won't deny it.
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If you want to see how good a writer NOADS is, read the essays here.
I've read many of NOADS' reviews - while being a bit harsh, they ALWAYS leave tips for improving. Criticism is not required to come with unicorns and roses. It can say things you don't want to hear. You seeing it as being an asshole is someone else saying "Thank you SO much! No one has ever told the truth about my story - all I get is people telling me it's good." Maybe you're a little over-sensitive?
Be glad you aren't getting reviews from Flame Rising. If you're so upset about crit from NOADS, I'd hate to see you upset over a Flame Rising review.
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This is where my story is.
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While we would be overjoyed to be given your password and username, we suggest you give the actual link -- the letters and numbers which show up in the little box on the top of your word spew.
We can't remember which abortion is yours, but we can't wait to have our memories refreshed.
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I think NOADS was right on. You completely bastardized Dally's character. It's one thing to show how he became a hardened hood, but to start from him at a point where he wants to have a wife and kids and his family is loaded ... it's completely, utterly and ridiculously unbelievable. You had ONE review - and it's from NOADS! Doesn't that tell you something?!
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But I understand why you think it's a bad story. But that's exactly why its FANfic. So each fan can tell their own story. That story is how I want to believe Dally turned out the way he did. I like to believe the best about people, so I wrote about Dally in the way I would have like him to be before he became the Dallas we all know.
And just because that you say it's bad does not mean I will stop writing on it. I am working on the next chapter and will continue until my story is complete no matter what you may think or say. And I don't care if not another person read it. I want my story to be told and it will be.
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Personally, I think a story about Dally being different and from a wealthy family is totally possible. But you've approached it in a way that will make a lot of readers cry "Mary Sue" while the others laugh over your portrayal of Dally.
You are so eager to have your story told ... that's great. But don't you want it to be WELL told?
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We've heard all of these fanbrat arguments before, and we remain unimpressed. You change your argument every time it is refuted, and you are quite obvious about it.
You say you don't care if another person doesn't read it? Then don't post it to fanfiction.net ... of course, we are sure you will change your mind again and tell us you are writing it for those who do like it and not for we "meanie haters."
If you don't care what anyone here has to say, why are you expending so much time and energy to convince us we are wrong?
The simple fact is you are asshurt. You are pissed we don't love your Mary Sue and your bastardization of Dallas.
"I wrote about Dally in the way I whould have liked him to be."
You didn't write about the character of Dallas Winston, you wrote about your perfect boyfriend. The story isn't about Dallas, it's about your self-insert's wangst as she watches him change from her perfect loverboy to a pale imitation of the character Susie wrote about.
You don't write about it because you want to tell a story about Dallas. You write it because you want to tell a story about yourself.
That is why your fanfiction is wretched and it will remain so until you realize fanfiction is about writing about the characters, not about yourself. That is why it's called FANfiction.
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The point I have been trying to make during this lovely chat is that, No matter how tired and pissed of you are about all the so called bad writing, you still have to treat people like human being and not like machines you can kick and scream at until we get it right.
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Why does NOADS *have to* be nice in their reviews ... or at all?
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WHY is NOADS required to be nice or treat people in the way you indicate. Why are they required to do so?
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3/27/08
May I have the pleasure of reading one your stories.
You may have the pleasure of reading one of our essays on writing or one of our sporks. We've got a fresh one up.
3/31/08
To get reviewed by others and get their opinions.
We reviewed and gave you our opinion.
I have written other stories and have had bad reviews before
We have no doubt.
but the fact of the matter is, you don't have to be an asshole in telling people that their story is shit.
May we use your terminology and just say "This story is shit"? Would that have made you happy?
4/1/08
I WAS NOT given any helpful criticism to improve my story or any future writings.
Practice characterization; your characterization of Dallas is dreadful. Oh, wait, we said that in our review. Besides, you said earlier you wanted reviews and opinions. So now, it's only helpful reviews and opinions? Make up your mind.
4/6/08
And just because that you say it's bad does not mean I will stop writing on it.
But will you improve it?
And I don't care if not another person read it.
But we thought you posted it for reviews and opinions? Did you change your mind again?
4/8/08
I didn't write Dallas as I would like him as a lover, I wrote him as I would like him as a person.
Then why is the story from the point of view of your self-insert and not from Dallas'? And why do you spend more time writing about your Mary Sue's tragic past than you spend writing about Dallas' situation? Why are they even in a romantic relationship? If you are exploring Dallas' character, why is a noncanon girlfriend necessary, when he has one in canon? What is the purpose in creating a new character and putting her in a romantic relationship with him?
This story is about your insert, and don't try the old guise of "this isn't me" -- it is you as you would like to be: an attractive girl with an unusual background and interesting life, and, we are sure, a love life which would put a soap opera writer to shame.
You still have to treat people like human being
Human beings are notoriously cruel to each other. You mean you want to be treated nicely. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do it with proper grammar.
4/9/08
there's a fine line, but it's not the same. As smart as you all are, you should know that.
You see no difference between the two, and you don't elaborate because you know you will be called on it. So you make an attempt at insulting us in the hopes we will become hung up on that and forget you have failed to back up any argument you've made here.
We also are most interested on the answer to the question: Why should we be nice?
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*Hides in cave of grammar shame*
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